


six feet under

by moonbeso



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, this was supposed to be a one shot and i have no self control
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2020-10-21 12:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20693681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeso/pseuds/moonbeso
Summary: Three years after losing Juliana, Valentina makes the mistake of accepting a marriage proposal by Lucho.It's the same mistake that brings Juliana back to her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first if you're a skeleton flower reader im so sorry lmaoooooooo i didnt completely gave up on it i just lost inspiration and got inspired to write this one so yeah.gif  
also few things you should know before you read it: there is no transmigration in this version and leon is still dead mostly because i cant be arsed to deal with all that and also eva is annoying but in a sister way cause she loves her sister very much and shes not cheating with alacran cause fuck that noise so hehe 
> 
> enjoy luvs x

* * *

_ help, i lost myself again  
but i remember you_

The summer air coming through the open kitchen window was humid around her, making her clothes stick to her skin and gravity feel a little bit heavier than normal. Or maybe it wasn’t the weather at all, maybe it was the tight knot in her throat that made it difficult to breathe, sending waves of discomfort all over her body.

Valentina and Eva were both in the kitchen having coffee and chatting, well, at least Eva was. She had been rambling about something for the past 20 minutes, not really bothering to notice how Valentina had checked out of the conversation a long time ago.

Her gaze was fixated on a small bug crawling on the kitchen counter, struggling to fly away due to a wing injury, it seemed. The knot in her throat grew tighter.

“…and _ clearly _ we don’t have enough time for bigger preparations, as _ someone _was too eager to get married…” Eva went on by herself.

Married. Marriage. That word sent a shiver down her spine, reminding her what the subject of Eva’s frantic one-sided conversation was about.

Lucho proposed a week ago. Valentina said yes.

Everything had happened too fast, completely out of nowhere. One moment they were strolling at the park after having lunch, the next he was on his knees showing her the biggest diamond ring she had ever seen. So then, out of complete panic, she said _ yes _.

She had said _ yes _ because she had a terrible day. She had said _ yes _ because she felt completely lost. She had said _ yes _ because at the time she could not think of a single reason not to.

Until she walked by a certain bench on that same park a few minutes later, reminding her of a thousand reasons of why she had perhaps made the biggest mistake of her life, all of them leading to one person. One reason.

_ Juliana. _

“… and then we have to think about the guest list! God! That’s a whole other headache. I know you don’t want a small gathering and as a Carvajal, no one expects that of you, of course.”

A guest list. Everyone she knew being invited to the event of the year, to celebrate her relationship. To witness her promising to love and cherish Lucho for the rest of her life. Everyone she knew celebrating a lie.

Everyone she knew. _ Juliana. _

She had to invite her. She had not seen her in three years, this would be the perfect opportunity for them to reconnect.

They lost contact after Juliana and her mom fled the city after being hunted down by the narcos, a lovely inheritance from her deranged father. Valentina tried her best to find a way for them to stay in the city, but Juliana’s mom was too freaked out at the time, deciding that the only solution to their situation was to disappear and leave everything behind. That included Valentina. They tried to stay in touch for a while after she moved away, but life got in the way and Juliana was a terrible texter. Eventually, they drifted apart.

Valentina spent the last three years wondering how different things would be if she had the courage to show her true feelings for the other girl. If only she had been faster in understanding herself; if only she had not been so scared.

But she was. She was terrified of her feelings for Juliana, so she buried them deep inside her. She buried them so deep inside her own chest she forgot how to feel anything at all.

Lucho was there. He has always been there, trying his best, most of the time failing but always coming back to her. Always by her side, no matter what. She knew he loved her, and all she ever wanted was to be able to love him back.

After Juliana left, she clung to Lucho, hoping he could fill the void inside her chest. She knew he could never compare to the dark-haired girl, but she had to try. She had to try because otherwise, she was afraid she would never move on.

She never did.

Juliana was always somehow with her, prickling at the back of her mind at the most unexpected of times, reminding her that nothing in life would ever compare to the feelings she got when she was around her.

She stirred her coffee, observing as the bug on the counter slowly lost its strength.

“…and the caterer _ must _remember how generous we are as a family to not consider booking us at such short notice, don’t you think, Val?” Eva asked as if the conversation had been flowing naturally the entire time.

“Hmm?” Valentina replied, suddenly remembering she was not alone in the kitchen.

“Jesus, Val. Can you at least pretend to be interested in your own wedding?”

_ No, not really. _

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Eva stared at her intensely, trying to read her sister’s mood.

“Val… are you okay?”

Valentina was thinking about all the things that went wrong in her life, about everything that she had lost and would never get back. She was thinking about the girl that got away and how grey her life became after she left.

But she couldn’t say any of that, not after all the decisions that she made. Not after saying _ yes _.

“Yes. I’m just… overwhelmed, I guess. I’m sorry.” She tried, giving a small smile to her older sister.

“Listen, Val… marriage can be a really scary thing. Trust me, I know.” Eva said with a sympathetic smile. “The thing is… if you _ really _ love the other person, it’s all worth it in the end.”

_ Well _ , Valentina thought, _ that’s just about the worst thing you could tell me right now. _

“You know, at times like these, it’s really important to have a solid support system. I know you have your friends here, but…” Eva hesitated, taking a deep breath before finishing her entire sentence. “Maybe you could bring some old friends back? Are you still in touch with Juliana?”

Even her own sister thought the other girl would be of ultimate importance for this stage of her life, she only failed to see how much she really mattered in that case.

“Sort of… I was thinking about inviting her already.” She tried her best to sound casual, although she was pretty sure her voice faltered a little bit.

“That’s good. I remember how… close you guys were.” Valentina chose to ignore the way Eva’s voice went higher at the mention of their intimacy. She had no reason to hide anything from her sister, after all, nothing _ really _ happened between the both of them.

Valentina wasn’t sure if anything would have happened at all, even if Juliana had stayed. She now understood her own feelings, but she could not speak for the other girl. All she could do was replay in her mind all the moments they shared, trying her best to see if there was something she missed, over and over again.

Her memories were all a blur, just small fragments of moments that meant something to her. Swimming lessons. Dancing lessons. Soft touches and even softer gazes. The memory of a laughter that still sent shivers down her spine.

She mostly remembered deep, dark eyes staring back at her with the burning intensity of a thousand suns. The only eyes that were ever capable of seeing Valentina for who she truly was.

Sometimes, Valentina struggled to remember if those memories were real or part of a fantasy that she created to keep the memory of the other girl alive. Sometimes, she didn’t care. Sometimes, she allowed herself to create the most absurd of scenarios, rewriting their own story to the point of mixing reality with dreams.

All of her altered dreams had one thing in common: Valentina did not keep her feelings to herself.

In most of the dreams, they had a happy ending. In some of her bad days, she tortured herself with images of Juliana rejecting her and going away once again. 

As she listened to Eva plan her entire wedding, Valentina realized even the worst versions of her dreams were better than her reality at the moment.

She zoned out again, shifting her focus back to the broken bug at the counter, leaving her coffee untouched and giving Eva more space to make all the decisions to her own future.

* * *

Valentina opened her eyes as her alarm started to blare at full volume an irritating ringtone. She turned it off, not really able to remember why she set the alarm in the first place. Her mind tried to go back to the dream she was having, something about a flowery field and children laughing. She wished to go back to that, but the light outside her window reminded her that another day had begun, leaving her no way to escape her own reality.

She lazily opened her eyes and checked her missing messages.

Lucho (03:04): _ Thinking about you… _

Lucho (03:30): _ Are you asleep? _

Lucho (03:30): _ Val… _

Lucho (04:22): _ Can’t wait for us to live together... _

She took a deep breath, not really knowing how to respond to any of that. She already knows he had been drunk off his mind after going out with his friends. She most definitely could not imagine waking up besides Lucho for the rest of her life. She decided an emoji would be enough of a response for the moment, not really caring how cold it might seem.

She did not understand how Lucho still loved her. Valentina considered herself now to be a shell of her previous self.

Lucho had met her when she was a party girl, always up for a different adventure and a drink with friends. It had been years since then, she did not even try anymore to measure up to his expectations of who she used to be.

He still loved her, for some reason. She always thought the memory of her former self was what kept him around, but slowly understood that the reason he was so hell-bent on marrying her was that her present self did not fight. Present Valentina did not bother, did not make too much noise. Present Valentina was complacent and ready to be what other people expected of her.

Present Valentina was nothing but a lie, but it was all she knew how to be now.

She remembered that the reason she set up such an early alarm was that she had to make a lot of wedding preparations on that day. Today was about choosing the wedding menu with Eva and hopefully to start discussing the guests.

Her guest list. Everyone she knew and more. Her wedding was set to be the event of the year in Mexico City, including celebrities and big names of the media industry. Amongst all these names, all she could think about was the one that no one else would pay attention to.

Juliana Valdés. She thought about sending a personal invitation, make something special. However, no matter how much she tried, she could not find a logic reason why Juliana would be a special guest for her wedding.

She had considered asking Juliana to be her bridesmaid, but it just felt wrong. She could not bring herself to ask her that. Juliana wasn’t supposed to be a bridesmaid. Juliana was always meant to be the primary event.

She buried her face in the pillow as an intrusive thought of Juliana as a bride flooded her brain. She did not need that. She had to focus on reality for once.

Lucho. Her future husband. The person she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. The man who loved her for years and always came back no matter how many times she pushed him away.

They had broken up a couple of times, the longest being right after Juliana had left the city, Valentina too broken-hearted to pretend she still had feelings for him.

As the months have passed, the hole in her heart grew bigger, as did her loneliness.

Lucho was there. Juliana wasn’t. The math seemed simple at the time.

She stretched her whole body and decided on a quick shower before breakfast, already knowing Eva was going to nag at her for making them late for such an important day.

* * *

Valentina loved her sister with all her heart, she really did.

But she absolutely could not spend an entire day with Eva nagging at her ear and bossing her over every single decision about the wedding. To be fair, Valentina didn’t mind that Eva seemed to make every decision for her; the only problem was her making feel bad about it.

Eva _wanted _to organize everything, she loved having control of things but that did not stop her from reminding Valentina every five minutes how much she should be more invested in the decision making. She was trying her best, really, but she just could not bring herself to care about the type of fish they would serve, or if chicken would be a better option since not everyone is a fan of seafood, and “Oh!” Eva gasped dramatically, “We absolutely cannot forget the vegan options! How silly of me, now we have to rethink the entire thing.”

By the time Valentina got home, it was already nighttime and all she wanted to do was to collapse on the couch and turn her mind off with a movie or something, but Eva had other plans. She trotted behind her speaking rapidly on the phone with Mateo about how she was at her wit’s end with all the preparations she still had to take care of to make sure the event was fit to meet everyone’s expectations of a Carvajal family event, “And the bride is _ certainly _acting like a real princess...”

Valentina sighed and made her way to the kitchen to grab an ibuprofen, already feeling the impending migraine creeping its way behind her right eye.

“Valentina!” Eva shouted from the living room, “Don’t get yourself too comfortable now, I’m expecting the rough draft of your guests by the end of the night. We’re on a tight schedule thanks to your… darling fiancé.”

It was Lucho’s idea to get married as soon as they could. His exact words were, “Let’s just not overthink it and get it over as soon as we can.”

She knew he was scared of her changing her mind, as she had already done so many times before. She couldn’t blame him for that. She thought about calling it off at least a dozen times since that day in the park.

She could, however, resent the fact that he left all of the work for the _ ladies of the family _ , as he was sure they wouldn’t want him _ getting in the way of such important decisions _.

Her future seemed bright. 

She sat down at the kitchen table with her laptop and a cup of orange juice, ready to finish it for the day. As she stared at the blank screen, only one name flooded her mind. _ “ _ Get it together, Valentina.” She whispered to herself. She wasn’t even sure if she _ should _invite Juliana for the wedding, the idea of it just too absurd for her to wrap her mind around. Technically, no one, not even Juliana, would think much of it. Most people knew how close they were for the brief time the other girl spent in the city, and even more because of how wrecked Valentina had been after she left. Most people around her know Juliana had been one of her greatest friends. Past tense. Friends. Only that. A lot of people invited childhood friends and people they had lost contact to their wedding day, it was an important day and people usually want to share it with the others who had impacted their life in some significant way. Right?

_ Get it together. _

She decided to leave that decision for later, as she still had to think about an infinite amount of people.

She wrote down the obvious ones first: Eva, Mateo and her niece, Amelia. Guille and Renata. Lucia. Chivis and Silverio. Camilo. Her bridesmaids, Nayeli, Mayela and Gloria.

She stared at the screen for a few seconds, almost picturing the loading wheel turning inside her head. Was that it? When she was a little girl, she pictured her wedding with hundreds of people packing a beautiful venue, but the more she thought about it, more privacy seemed better. However, a private event seemed impossible considering she knew how Lucho wanted to invite half of Mexico, and Eva already had a full list of her own.

No more names came to mind, forcing her aching brain to return to deep, chocolate eyes who bored into her soul. She stared at her half empty cup of juice.

She needed some mezcal.

* * *

Two days had passed since the invitations were sent to their respective guests. Valentina had been on a state of mild panic ever since, constantly checking her phone and email to see if a certain someone had sent a message. Her anxiety only grew with the possibility of Juliana choosing not to come to her wedding. She switched between relief and extreme sadness with the idea, not knowing how to process either of the possibilities.

On the third day, she got a message.

Juls (23:21):_ Hey. I should probably just RSVP the invitation but that felt too informal, I guess… _

Juls (23:23):_ Sorry for the late message _

Juls (23:23):_ Got the invitation yesterday but I don’t really understand _

Juls (23:24):_ I mean sorry that sounded bad… _

Juls (23:24):_ Val? _

Valentina’s heart painfully pounded against her ribs. She read the messages a dozen times before being able to actually process what Juliana was trying to say.

What was she trying to say, though? What didn’t she understand?_ Maybe stop driving yourself insane and just ask her, _ she thought. 

Valentina (23:30):_ Juls! Hey! _

She mentally scolded herself, that was too ecstatic. _ Take it down a notch. _

Valentina (23:31):_ Sorry I didn’t warn you beforehand _

Valentina (23:31):_ Everything has been happening so fast lately _

Valentina (23:32):_ You’re coming right? _

That was better. She had decided against asking about Juliana’s confusion, not knowing if she would have the answer to whatever question she sure would be coming her way sooner or later.

She watched as the typing bubble appeared and disappeared in their chat. She felt so stupid, of course Juliana would be confused by the entire thing. She was probably thinking Valentina was the most pathetic person she ever met for going back to Lucho after everything and not only that, but also deciding to _ marry _ him. Juliana saw how bad he used to treat her years ago. She saw how unhappy he made Valentina and heard from Valentina’s own mouth that she did not love him at all. She wouldn’t blame Juliana if she decided not to come, the whole thing was ridiculous.

As she spiraled down into an even bigger state of panic, her phone buzzed again.

Juls (23:42):_ Yeah of course I’m coming _

Juls (23:42):_ Can I call you? _

Valentina felt her heart skipped several beats reading the last message. She dropped the phone on her bed and started to anxiously pace around her room. She wanted to slap herself for having visualized the message so quickly, that meant she could no longer pretend to have fallen asleep or something like that. She didn’t trust herself enough to hold a proper conversation with Juliana right now. It’s been too long and the subject of the talk was the worst imaginable.

But she missed her. She missed talking to Juliana so much her heart clenched at the thought of hearing her voice again. The situation was not ideal, but how could she turn it down?

She slowly crawled back into her bed and picked up her phone. She took a deep breath and made the phone call.

Juliana answered almost immediately.

“Val, hey! Sorry, I know it’s late…” She sounded anxious as well, that made Valentina feel more at ease. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling the awkwardness.

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry. I… I’ll always have time for you.” She took a deep breath after feeling her own voice faltering a little bit. Valentina tried to convince herself there was no reason to be this nervous, after all, it was Juliana. Her Juliana.

“Val… I mean… Lucho? Don’t get me wrong! I’m really happy for you, but… did I miss something?”

God, she had missed too many things. How could she even begin to explain how she ended up in this situation? She couldn’t, unless she was ready to admit her feelings for the other woman.

“Listen, I know how weird it might seem to you, but… it just… happened.”

“It’s okay, Val. I’m happy for you.” Her voice was low, almost like a whisper. “I was already planning on coming to the city on the same week, so…”

“Oh! That’s great, Juls. I…” _ I miss you. _ “Coming to do anything special?”

“Not really, just taking care of some personal stuff.”

“Do you… do you have a place to stay? You could stay here.” The words left her mouth before she could stop herself. She shifted awkwardly in bed, wanting to bury herself amongst the pillows.

“Well, actually, I… I think that would be great, Val.”

“Good! Great, actually! Well… I guess… just tell me when you arrive in the city and I’ll send a driver to pick you up, sounds good?”

“Yes, sounds great. Listen, I have to go now.” Val heard a sigh coming from the other line. “I’m happy for you, Val. Can’t wait to see you again. Goodnight.”

She hung up before Valentina could say anything. She felt her ribs hurt by the intensity of her pounding heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to process the conversation and what it meant.

The conversation was awkward and filled with a lot of exclamations and faux-excitement. But Juliana was happy for her, at least that’s what she kept repeating. She was happy and she was going to spend the entire wedding week at her house.

The sudden realization of what that meant for Valentina hit her like a truck. How was she supposed to hold her own feelings back if she was to spend a whole week with Juliana? How was she going to act nonchalant if she couldn’t even keep her shit together through a phone call?

She was, without a doubt, screwed. As her mind raced through all possible worst-case scenarios, it came to a halt as the image of chocolate eyes penetrated her thoughts.

She had a lot of reasons to worry, but she allowed herself a moment to smile at the prospect of their reunion. 

She was going to see Juliana again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyyyy guys peeps my lovelies sorry for the late update but honestly im a slow ass writer and also english aint my first language im trying my best here okay fuck!!!!

_ “My gift to you will be an abyss, she said,_

_ but it will be so subtle you’ll perceive it_

_ only after many years have passed_

_ and you are far from Mexico and me._

_ You’ll find it when you need it most,_

_ and that won't be_

_ the happy ending,_

_ but it will be an instant of emptiness and joy._

_ And maybe then you’ll remember me, _

_ if only just a little."_

_ ― Roberto Bolaño _

Juliana panted heavily as she arrived at her apartment building, sweat dripping down her back and forehead. She stared at the horizon and smiled as the colors of the sunset painted a beautiful canvas in the sky. She had just finished her daily jog, a habit she picked up the past year that drastically improved not only her health but also her mood. She was never one to exercise, but the past few years of her life have changed a lot of things for her. She felt as if everything was finally falling into place.

She adjusted her messy ponytail and walked up the stairs to her apartment, feeling her muscles scream in protest after the intense workout.

“Ma? Are you home?” She got her answer as she heard the faint sound of water and her mom quietly singing in the shower.

They have been living in a two-room apartment for over two years now, it was old but surprisingly spacious for the two women. Living in Matamoros had its challenges, but they were grateful for the low real estate prices that allowed them to finally live more comfortably on their own. Juliana worked as a waitress in a restaurant a few blocks away from the apartment and Lupita worked as a secretary for one of her cousins. Things were looking up for the Valdés women.

She threw her keys on the kitchen table and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, finally noticing the new mail at the counter. She rarely got anything for herself. Their mail has usually been bills and unwanted advertisement, but a thick white envelope with her name written with a neat calligraphy caught her attention.

She quickly grabbed the envelope and locked herself in her room, with a weird feeling that the pounding of her heart had nothing to do with the recent exercise.

“Juli?” She heard her mom’s muffled voice, followed by a soft knock on her door. “Juliana? I’m starting dinner in a minute, could use some help over there.”

“In a minute!” She replied absent minded, not registering exactly what was asked of her. Why did the envelope give Juliana such a weird energy?

There was only one way to find out. She ripped open the envelope with trembling hands, pulling out a beautiful decorated card that read the following:

_ Together with their family _

** _Valentina Carvajal & Lucho Lozano_ **

_ Invite you to celebrate their marriage _

_ (…) _

Although there was more information on it, Juliana felt light headed as her eyes fixated on the names over and over again. A giant hole opened in her chest, threatening to swallow all the light around her. 

_ Valentina was getting married? _

She was not going to cry over this. It had been three years. She was happy. Valentina was happy. She refused to cry over something that never happened in the first place.

In the past three years Juliana had found herself, and what she discovered was a mature woman, sure of what she wanted in life and sure of who she was. She moved on. Valentina was supposed to be something of the past, a beautiful memory of a girl who sparked the fire that Juliana needed to be who she is. But Valentina was supposed to be just that, a memory. She was not going to cry over something that was a happy moment for her former friend. She was not going to let the hole in her chest ruin all of the progress she made moving on.

She was the one who left. She made the decision to leave everything behind, that included her own feelings for the other woman.

She took a deep breath. She tries to center herself and ignore her eyes prickling with tears. As she closed them, she saw blue ones staring right back at her.

As the vivid memory flooded her thoughts, there was no power in the world that could stop the tears from falling.

* * *

She doesn’t remember falling asleep. All she remembered was allowing the emptiness in her chest to swallow her whole after dismissing her mother for the night. She skipped dinner and locked herself in her room, ignoring Lupita’s questions.

She struggles to open her eyes, eyelids too heavy and swollen. The clock beside her bed gives her a bitter announcement that it’s close to 4 A.M. 

“Fuck,” She mumbles as she groggily tries to get up. She turns on the bedside lamp and regretting it immediately as a sharp pain shoots through her brain. The hopeful thought of it all being a nightmare is quickly shattered as she sees the invitation tossed on the floor.

_ Screw that. _ After so many hours of crying and feeling sorry for herself, she felt something else growing inside of her. She was angry. Angry at Valentina for even thinking that _ Lucho _ , of all people, could _ ever _ make her happy. Or even be a decent husband. The dude already had a hard time being a decent human being to begin with.

She was also angry at Lucho himself for being so hell-bent on chasing Valentina for this long. His obsession with Valentina always rubbed her the wrong way and she felt disgusted knowing that in the end, he got what he always wanted.

But mostly, she was infuriated with herself. Infuriated because after all these years she still had no control over her own emotions when it came to Valentina.

She covered herself with a thick blanket, suddenly feeling a cold shiver running down her spine. This time, however, she found comfort in the hot tears that streamed down her face. She felt too small in her own bed, like she was back to being her old, scared self.

When she met Valentina she was completely lost, running from her previous life and wanting nothing more than to find her own place in the world. Valentina helped her with that, showing her kindness that no one else had before. Valentina showed her true friendship and most importantly, true love.

Juliana never had a friend like that before. At first, she thought their strong bond was simply how friendship worked under normal circumstances. Friends shared long intimate hugs, friends held hands all the time, friends lost themselves while starting at each other’s lips for way too long, right? By the time Juliana realized that what she felt was attraction, she was far too gone to even consider taking a step back.

However, the fear of losing the most important person in her life stopped her from ever making any type of advance. Valentina was too precious for Juliana to risk losing her. So, she settled for friendship and watched in pain as Valentina continued to toy with Lucho.

Never in a million years did she think they would end up getting married.

She chuckled humorlessly. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest in a familiar way, as if it had been awoken after a long sleep. She was _ supposed _ to be over Valentina, her mind thought. The symphony in her chest didn’t seem to agree with that.

She realized there was nothing she could do at the moment, but the bundle of emotions inside of her was becoming overbearing. She slowly got out of bed, feeling her emotional turmoil take a toll on her body as well. Sleep was completely off the table now and since she would have to go to work in a few hours, she decided that a hot shower and a strong coffee was the only thing that would take her mind off of things.

* * *

“Chiquita, what are you doing?” Perlita woke Juliana from her stupor. “Table three has been asking for the check for a good minute now.”

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Perlita. Right on.” She walked to the table, distracted. Juliana had barely slept last night. Needless to say her performance at work wasn’t stellar as the thought of Valentina occupied every corner of her mind. 

“Is there anything else I can get for you guys?” She politely asked a group of three men around her age.

“How about your name and number?” One of them asked. For the first time in that evening, Juliana paid attention to the group. None of them were ugly looking, but it wasn’t their looks that made her stomach turn in disgust.

She wasn’t new to the situation of getting hit on at her workplace but it still managed to piss her off every time. The men knew she was working. They knew she was forced to be polite and smile and was essentially there to serve them, out of pure obligation. That didn’t stop them from taking advantage of the situation.

Although it angered her, there wasn’t much she could do other than politely decline and keep smiling, no matter how much it made her insides hurl.

“Hmm, I’m sorry but I’m afraid those aren’t available today.” She fought the urge to roll her eyes as she heard the snickering from his other friends. “Here’s your check, have a nice evening.”

_ Men. _She walked away with a huff. Always so inconvenient. It was at times like these she was thankful for not being into them at all.

Her brief annoyance was soon replaced by hurt again as she remembered who was responsible for her sexual discovery. Juliana felt the hole in her chest expand as memories came back, flooding her mind.

“Perlita, do you think I could take a quick break?” She asked the older woman, suddenly feeling light-headed.

“Is everything alright, Juli? You seem… distracted.” Her boss had quickly become such an important person in her life, always there for her and wanting to help her in the best way that she could. Perlita always offered her words of wisdom and patience for her dramas.

“It’s fine, I’m just… I just have a lot on my mind,” She simplified. The restaurant was mostly empty so her absence wouldn’t matter at the moment. She just needed a break to breathe.

“Of course, dear. You take a break for as long as you need, alright?” Juliana felt bad for being so absent at work, but there was no way she could completely focus after the news she had received.

She stood outside at the back of the building, breathing the humid air and trying to gather her thoughts. There was no way she could just ignore the wedding. She was invited to it, she had to reply and possibly attend the event.

Could she attend the event though? Could she possibly stand still and watch Valentina make the biggest mistake of her life by marrying _ Lucho _?

All she wanted to do was scream and run away. Pretend she never got the invitation in the first place and most importantly, go back to pretending she was fine. Everything was fine, but that was the problem. It was _just_ _fine_.

Valentina thrusted herself back into her life and made a mess out of everything once again. How could she keep pretending she was happy if the mere thought of the other woman getting married to another person sent her into a near panic attack? How could she keep denying all the walls she built around her own heart, making it impossible for anyone else to get too close because deep down she was still harboring feelings for her former best friend?

Taking a deep breath, she sat down on the old wooden bench near the door and held her head. She had no idea how she was going to get through this without ripping open all of her old wounds.

Later that day, Juliana ran until she could barely feel her own legs. She ran until her lungs started to burn and until she was completely drenched in her own sweat. She ran as much as she could, because that was the only thing she ever learned how to do. 

* * *

“You’re late,” Lupita said in a serious tone as soon as Juliana walked in the door the next day.

“Didn’t realize I had a curfew,” She replied, mildly annoyed. Her after work jog was once again more intense than usual. She needed to release all the stress that had pent up in her body.

“You don’t, but that does not mean I don’t worry when you don’t come home at your usual time. What’s going on, Juliana? Yesterday after work, you barely said a word to me. Today, you come home sweating like a pig two hours later than usual and I’m supposed to keep quiet and mind my business?” Lupita had a point, she had been acting way off, but that didn’t mean the interrogation was welcomed at the moment. She walked past her mom and went straight to the kitchen to grab a cup of water.

“Next time I’ll text you.”

“Juliana.” Her tone made Juliana turn around and face her mom’s worried eyes. “Please, maybe I can help.”

She didn’t mean to scoff, but the thought of her mom being a shoulder to cry on in a situation like this was nothing short of laughable.

Juliana and Lupita had had a rocky relationship ever since she dared to come out. They had fought a thousand times and didn’t speak to each other for months at first. She knew her mother loved her, but she just couldn’t accept the fact that Juliana had no interest in men. She lost count of the amount of times she tried to set her up with one of the “nice guys” she knew from church or some other bullshit. Juliana threatened to leave home after a particularly nasty fight where Lupita had arranged a date without her consent. After that she didn’t bother her daughter anymore, but that didn’t mean she accepted it either.

“I’d rather not talk about it, really.” She started to walk away from the situation.

“Juli, please,” she pleaded. “I’m trying here.”

Juliana turned back and looked into her mother’s eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. Her exhaustion took the best of her, not knowing where to turn to anymore. She decided to give it a shot, at least. Not even her mother could make her feel worse about the entire thing.

“Valentina is getting married,” she stated flatly, not wanting to elaborate.

Juliana could almost see the wheels turning in her mother’s head, trying to understand why this would upset her so much. She never talked about how Valentina was the one to make her realize she was a lesbian, not wanting her mom to torment her precious memories with the other woman.

“Oh, Juli!” She gasped as if a light switch had been turned on in her brain. “I never… I never realized. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It just took me by surprise, that’s all,” she lied, hoping to end the uncomfortable conversation.

“Clearly it’s not. Sit down, please,” Lupita pleaded, taking her daughter’s hand and directing to her back to the kitchen. “I’ll make us some tea. You just sit tight and rant all you want. I’m here to listen.”

Juliana heavily sat down on the kitchen stool, taking a big sip of her water. She didn’t know how to even start, didn’t know if she should say anything to begin with.

“Mom, I… I don’t know how to process this,” her voice sounded strained, tired from the past two days of crying. “I can’t go to this wedding.”

Lupita turned on the stove and put a kettle full of water on it, turning around to see the sadness in her daughter’s eyes. “Mija, it’s been three years. Valentina has moved on with her life, so should you.”

“You’re just saying this because the idea of me ever being in love with a woman will never get into your head,” she laughed bitterly. She didn’t mean to attack her mom, not really. They’ve had a lot of progress over the past years about her sexuality, but the current situation opened wounds that she forgot she ever had.

“That’s not…” Lupita stopped herself, suddenly staring at her daughter with a glint in her eyes that Juliana could not recognize. “Were you in love with her?”

“I… I don’t think I ever stopped,” She admitted to herself and her mom, suddenly feeling the tears prickling at her eyes. She didn’t mean to get emotional again, she was so tired of crying over the same thing. She was surprised she still had any tears left. “It’s useless, though. She is getting married to Lucho and I’m still hung up on her, like some idiot teenager.”

“Don’t,” Lupita interrupted her. “Don’t do that to yourself, Juliana. Your feelings are valid and you need to stop acting like they are nothing but a burden.”

“Aren’t they, though? What use are they right now? My feelings for Valentina have done nothing but hurt me over the past few years, and even a hundred miles away, she still has this influence over me. I don’t know how to let her go.” Juliana had given up on fighting her tears all together now, knowing it was no use.

The kettle started to whistle loudly as she wiped her tears away. Lupita got up from the chair to turn it off, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard and placing it on the table, giving some space for Juliana to get herself together.

“Don’t you think this is the perfect opportunity for you to finally get over her?” she said after a minute of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that getting over someone is always going to hurt. This, especially, is going to hurt a lot but I think you should go to this wedding, mija. Perhaps seeing Valentina promise her life to someone else is what you need to move on.”

It made sense, in a way. Maybe if she saw how much Valentina truly loved Lucho, she could finally move on. She knew it would tear her heart apart like nothing else before, but maybe that would be the beginning of her new life; the only way she could tear apart her strings to Valentina and finally start living her own life.

“Maybe, I don’t know. I’m scared, mom,” She admitted, way too tired to put up any walls around her mom anymore. “I’m not sure I can come back from this.”

“Juliana, you’re… listen to me. Look at me,” Her mom cupped her face, pleading for attention. “Listen, you’re the strongest person I know. I have no doubts about this. If there is anyone who can get through this, it’s you.” The sincerity in her voice made Juliana choke up.

“Ma…. I don’t know. This might be it for me. This might break me,” She replied, fighting hard against her tears.

“Then let it break you. Let it break you and then put yourself together again. That’s life, mija. You need to learn how to recover and how to bounce back. There is no shortcut from this, you know.”

Juliana laughed dryly. She was surprised by how much her mother was understanding of her situation, and most of all, she felt incredibly emotional by how much she was willing to leave her own prejudices on the side to help her.

“And you never know, maybe… maybe at the wedding you’ll find yourself a hot… bridesmaid, or something.”

“Mom!” Juliana snorted and lightly smacked her mother’s shoulder, not really wanting to discuss the absurdity of getting under someone else to get over Valentina.

“What?! It could happen!” Lupita giggled in response. For a brief moment, Juliana felt the heaviness in her heart disappear as she laughed along with her mother. She felt lighter seeing this supportive side of her, knowing the amount of work that had to be done for them to get to this point. It wasn’t an easy road, for either of them. There were a lot of tears and pain in between — at one point, Juliana even thought her relationship with her mom was ruined for good. But here she was, listening to her mother’s advice and jokes about her love life. For this brief moment, Juliana forgot how much she was hurting, instead choosing to focus on how thankful she was to be able to have this moment.

“So…” Lupita started again once the laughter died down. “Are you going?”

“I don’t feel like I have a choice here.”

“You always have a choice, Juli. But you wanna see her, don’t you?” She asked in a tone as if she already knew the answer. _ Yes, _ Juliana thought, _ that’s all I want _.

“There’s nothing I ever wanted more than seeing her, mom,” she admitted, feeling her heart clench at her own words. “I’m just afraid of not being able to keep my emotions in check. They’re so strong that sometimes I think they are going to rip me apart.”

“That’s how you know they’re real, mija. Valentina is getting married and this is going to hurt you a lot, I’m not gonna lie. But I hope you know I’m going to be here to help you put yourself back together, so you can move on and finally get the life that you deserve.”

“You’re right,” She sighed a response, trying her best to stop crying. “I’m going to the wedding and I’m going to finally get over Valentina Carvajal, no matter what.” Juliana said with conviction. She tried her best to ignore the tiny laugh in her head as she spoke those words.

“In fact, I’m going to call her right now to congratulate her and confirm my presence!” She got up and walked away with an over the top confidence.

“Wait, mija! At least dry off your tears first. Put yourself together, you know.”

“Right! Yes, I’ll do just that! Thanks for the talk mom!” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah i absolutely suck at updating at a fast pace but anyways bitch we still out here lmao!!!! enjoy loves

“Chiviiiiiiiiis!” Valentina shouted at the top of her lungs from the corridor, the dolphin-like sound echoing in the entire house. She entered the guest bedroom, anxiously pacing back and forth.

“What is it, mi niña?” Sivina entered the room preoccupied. Valentina dramatically pointed to the bed.

“This duvet will simply _ not _ work, Chivis! Look at the colors, the ugly design!” She said exasperated, her pitch higher than usual. “It has no harmony with the rest of the room. No, we need to change it. Juliana is coming _ tomorrow _ and everything needs to be _ perfect _, she’s going to be staying a week with us and a room with no harmony will just completely throw her off.”

“I don’t remember Miss Valdés caring about that type of thing,” the older woman pointed out, already taking off the dirt-brown duvet from the bed, not wanting to escalate Valentina’s already hysteric state. “We have a simple, cream-colored one in the other room.”

“Much better, thank you. What about the bathroom? Is everything clean?” She rushed to the bathroom, opening the door and leaving Sivina to finish up the bed. A few moments later another loud shriek came from the room. “We forgot the toiletries! We need to get toothpaste, shampoo, and conditioner… oh my god, what if she changed her hair color? We can’t get any type of hair products and-“

“Niña!” Sivina quickly interrupted the frantic monologue. “I’m pretty sure she will be bringing her own toiletries, like one usually does. Why all the fuss? It’s just your friend.” 

It’s just your friend. It’s just Juliana.

Deep down, Valentina knew that. She knew that she was being ridiculous and completely over the top, but none of that mattered. All that extra effort wasn’t important to her, the only thing that she cared about was making Juliana feel comfortable. She always wanted to make her feel safe and welcomed after having to deal with so much discomfort and pain in her life. 

There was a little voice in her head saying she _ was _ being extra, that most of those things did not matter and that she was worrying for no reason, but her anxiety refused to listen to any of it. Juliana was coming to stay at her house for an entire week, and this week had to be completely perfect for her. She had to make sure of it.

Perhaps toiletries and duvets wouldn’t matter that much in the end, but those were some of the things Valentina could control, and if she could control it, she would change it as she pleased.

The past few weeks had been hell for her, between the wedding preparations and her own feelings, she was a complete mess. She could barely sleep and when she did manage to get a few hours of sleep she would dream of Juliana and that was something she did not have the mental state to deal with it at the time.

She had been dreaming of the most ridiculous of situations, including Juliana herself stopping her wedding and confessing her love for Valentina at the altar, stopping the entire event completely.

Juliana proposing to Valentina before Lucho even had an opportunity to confess his feelings for the other woman.

Juliana staying in the city all those years ago and their relationship evolving in an organic way. Juliana staying and asking her hand in marriage. Juliana staying and them having an entire life together, for the rest of their lives.

But those were nothing but dreams, just hopes that Valentina buried deep inside her head, ashamed of even having them in the first place.

Juliana being hers was nothing but a distant, impossible dream. No matter how much she dreamt of it, she knew that — at the end of the day, Lucho was her groom. She was supposed to marry Lucho, promise her life to him and that was it.

She knew it was wrong. Only Valentina knew the number of times she thought of calling it quits, of asking him to cancel the entire thing. Valentina knew that she would never love Lucho in_ that _ way.

Deep down, she knew she would never love _ anyone _in that way, except one person.

But she couldn’t have her, so she settled for making her room the perfect environment for her to live for a week. She settled for making Juliana’s time in CDMX to be nothing short of productive and _ perfect. _

Yes, it had been three years since they last seen each other, but she knew in her heart that Juliana still had the same dreams, the same goals. She knew that as soon as Juliana stepped in CDMX, she would do everything in power to help the other woman to achieve her dreams. At least one last time, one last shot.

She sat down on the bed and released a big, dramatic sigh.

“I know that, Chivis. It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen her… it needs to be perfect and you need to help me,” she chewed on her thumb for a second, suddenly remembering another detail about Juliana staying at her place, “This reminds me of something that I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

She stopped for a second, not sure how to approach the situation.

“Could you maybe… not… stare too much?”

“Stare? What do you mean?” The older woman raised her eyebrows, intrigued.

Valentina pondered for a second, thinking of the best way to say it without being impolite.

“It’s just… well, you used to creep the hell out of Juliana.”

_ Nailed it _.

She hid her smile as memories of how Juliana always thought Chivis had a personal problem against her flooded her mind. Valentina knew that wasn’t the case, but Chivis _ could _ be a little overprotective sometimes.

“Well! That’s just… I mean…” Chivis stuttered, clearly offended. “I certainly do not _ stare _ at people, _ por favor _. I have no idea what you mean, niña!” She flustered folded the duvet and Valentina could swear she saw a little smoke coming out of her ears.

“I’m sorry, Chivis! I know you don’t mean it-“

“I certainly do not!” She interrupted her, flustered. “But it’s fine! If that’s what you want, I will not… stare. Now please stop worrying about stuff that does not matter, chiquita, will you?”

“Thank you, Chivis, I promise you I will try my best,” Valentina replied sheepishly, walking around the room. “But wait! Are we sure the AC is working properly? We don’t want Juliana to melt in this heat.”

* * *

Valentina had everything under control. She made sure that the Carvajal household was impeccable for the arrival of Juliana and made a point to talk to every member of the family to treat her with the utmost respect, remembering that a few of them had been nothing short of hostile towards the other woman. Well, mostly Eva.

Eva was driving everyone insane with the amount of planning for the wedding, constantly reminding everyone that this was going to be the _ event of the year _ . Valentina knew that her wedding was also a play field for Eva to do business with other media moguls of the country, but that didn’t bother her as much as it should. Everyone around Valentina kept talking about how big of a date that was going to be for her, including a few clueless comments about how it was going to be the “ _ happiest day of your life _”. As if.

As the day approached, she felt like a huge dark cloud that kept chasing her got bigger and bigger above her head, the imminent doom persistent. The only thing that was shining a small ray of light during those days was the thought of being close to Juliana again.

Whenever her anxiety threatened to swallow her whole, she thought about how she was going to spend an entire week with the other girl.

After the initial awkward conversation that they had through the phone, the conversation started to flow more naturally between the two of them, almost back to their old rhythm.

Talking with Juliana every day and bringing back old memories gave Valentina a type of happiness long forgotten. It also made her incredibly miserable.

She had everything under control, except her feelings. Juliana being back in her life opened a door that she no longer could lock. The more they talked, the more she knew she would never love Lucho as much as she loved Juliana. It wasn’t even a close competition and she felt guilty for even thinking about it.

She wasn’t being fair to Lucho, who had no idea the battle she was facing with herself ever since that proposal. Even longer, if she was to be honest. The battle she constantly faced to keep her head above water ever since Juliana left. Completely unfair in the way she watched him confess his love for her every day and have the nerve to accept it even if she did not feel the same way, only because she was scared that if Lucho did not love her, no one else ever could.

She also wasn’t being fair to Juliana, who was completely clueless over Valentina’s feelings for her. Sometimes she couldn’t help but feel disgusted with herself, feeling like every interaction she had with Juliana was something like a lie. How genuine was she being if their relationship hanged on the fragile thread that was Valentina keeping her feelings to herself? Maybe Juliana wouldn’t want to be her friend at all if she knew her feelings towards her, and she really couldn’t blame her for that. She _ was _ a liar, after all.

Most of all, she wasn’t being fair to herself. She buried everything so deep inside of herself that she was afraid she could no longer get them back, even if she tried. By denying her own feelings and her own identity, she was denying herself. She lost too much time disconnected from herself, it was not a surprise she couldn’t get the guts to fight for what she really wanted. Her light was dimmed, her courage gone.

Those were the thoughts that disturbed her sleep the night before Juliana’s arrival. She tossed and rolled on the bed, the pain in her chest threatening to crash her rib cage.

“Vale, stop moving.” Lucho groaned besides her, eyes closed and sleep in his voice.

“Sorry, I can’t sleep.” She shuffled in bed, trying to get into a more comfortable position.

“Wedding jitters already?”

“No, I’m anxious about Juliana coming tomorrow,” the words left her mouth before she could properly process them. “I mean, it’s been so long since I’ve seen her. I don’t really know what to expect.”

“All of this because of _ Juliana _?” The slight mockery in his tone made her skin crawl. She never liked the way he referred to her, always minimizing her importance. “Come on, baby,” he turned in bed and slowly stroked his hand on her leg under the covers. “I can make you feel better…”

“I already said _ no _, Lucho! I’m not in the mood tonight.” She couldn’t even fathom the thought of doing anything intimate with him at the moment.

“When are you ever?! We’re getting married in a week, Vale!” He snapped, raising his tone of voice. “At least stop moving already, I need to sleep.”

“Lower your voice!” Valentina whispered exasperated. “If you want to scream and have a good night of sleep maybe you should’ve stayed at your place for once.”

The exhaustion was definitely not helping her filter any of her words.

“What’s _ that _supposed to mean?” The hurt in his voice was clear as day and a wave of guilt hit her. That’s one type of way to talk to your future husband.

“Nothing,” she sighed, grabbing her phone and making her way out the door. “I’m going to make some tea.”

The kitchen clock marked 2:32 A.M., the incessant ticking was another nuisance to Valentina’s already annoyed state. She rummaged through the cabinets trying to find her favorite tea, careful not to make too much noise so late at night.

After putting the kettle on and turning on the stove, she sat by the counter and mindlessly scrolled through her social media, desperate for any type of distraction. After opening her previous conversation with Juliana, she noticed her _ online _ status. Valentina smiled to herself as she typed her message.

Valentina (2:35): _ hey night owl don’t you have a bus to catch in a few hours? _

That was something that still bothered Valentina, the trip to the city would take several hours and it was bound to be extremely uncomfortable for anyone. If it was up to her, she would’ve sent the family jet to get Juliana, but she knew the other woman would never accept such thing. She loved how independent and proud Juliana was, albeit extremely frustrating at times.

Juls (2:37): _ hi, how did you know I was awake?? _

Valentina (2:37): _ we’re just THAT connected I suppose _

Juls (2:38): _ Val… _

Valentina (2:38): _ I can see your status dummy _

Juls (2:38): _ oh right I knew that _

Valentina laughed a bit too loud, mentally scolding herself for making a scene so late at night. Juliana being technologically challenged was no news to her, as that was one of the reasons their long-distance friendship was so hard on her.

Juls (2:39): _ why are YOU up chiquita? _

Valentina (2:40): _ cant sleep _ ☹

Valentina (2:40): _ is it lame if I say I’m nervous to see you tomorrow? _

She watched the screen as the conversation bubble appeared and disappeared several times. Ok, she definitely felt lame now.

Juls (2:42):: _ I’m nervous too _

Valentina (2:42): _ is that why you’re up? _

Juls (2:43): _ maybe _

Juls (2:43): _ is Lucho with you? _

Valentina did not want to tell her Lucho was upstairs sleeping on her bed. There was absolutely no reason to lie, but talking to Juliana about intimacy of any kind with him felt wrong and uncomfortable. She was about to reply when her phone buzzed again.

Juls (2:44): _ wait nevermind that’s a dumb question ofc he is _

Valentina (2:45): _ well actually I’m by myself right now making tea _

Omission is technically not a lie, he was there but not at the _ moment _. Right?

As if summoned by its mention, the kettle started to whistle, announcing her tea was ready. Valentina got up from her seat to turn off the stove, grabbing a mug and a honey pot on the way, listening to the sound of her phone buzzing twice. She poured the hot water on her mug and sat down once again, unlocking her phone.

Juls (2:47): _ let me guess……….. chamomile with honey? _

Juls (2:47): _ or more like honey with a dash of chamomile tea? _

Valentina (2:48): _ noooooo way you remembered that haha _

Valentina (2:48): _ but yes… it’s the only thing that can make me sleep _

Valentina (2:49): _ didn’t expect you to remember such a small thing _

She stirred her tea as she waited for a reply, watching the bubble come up and disappear again.

Juls (2:50): _ I don’t think I can forget anything about you _

Valentina took a sharp breath, not knowing how to reply. That meant more to her than Juliana could probably imagine, interpreting it as something more than it probably was. Before she could reply, however, her phone buzzed again.

Juls (2:51): _ can I call you? I hate texting _

Instead of replying, Valentina called her straight away. She was glad Juliana was the one to suggest it, as much as she liked texting her, her friend was definitely on the slow side when it came to typing.

"Hey, Val!" Although it was late at night, Valentina could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Hey yourself, aren't you a little too hyper for someone who should be up in..." she checked the kitchen clock for a second and struggled for a moment to finish the math. "Three hours? Give or take."

"Ouch, that was painful. You'd think they would teach you some basic math at private schools," Valentina couldn't help the smile from forming, even though she was the one being teased.

"Oh, shut up, it's late!" She took a sip from her tea, slightly burning her own mouth. "And now I just burned myself with the tea, hope you know this is all your fault."

"I see you're as patient as ever when it comes to waiting, huh?" Even though her voice was muffled by the phone, Valentina could hear the throaty laugh as clear as day, her heart warmed at one of her favorite sounds.

"How did we turn the conversation to me again? You should be sleeping!"

"And yet you were the one to call me, someone is sending mixed signals here and it's not me... Also, don't worry. I'll just sleep in the bus, the trip will be long and as soon as the bus hits the road, I'll fall asleep like a baby."

Valentina stopped stirring her tea, concern suddenly flooding her mind. She didn't know how public transportation worked but she knew the idea of Juliana being asleep in the middle of a bunch of strangers was not exactly a safe scenario. "Wait, isn't that, like, dangerous or something? You don't know those people around you, Juls!"

"I mean, it's not exactly ideal but it's also not that big of a deal. Besides, if any of them try anything I'll just have to show them my guns." Now it was time for Valentina to laugh loudly, imagining the scene of little Juliana trying to fight people inside of a crowded bus.

"You? With those skinny arms of yours? Now I'm even _ more _worried."

"Huh? How do you know I'm not completely shredded right now? It's been a while, Val. I could be a bodybuilder and you wouldn't even know it."

"Well, are you?"

"Guess you'll have to wait to find out."

Something about her tone made Valentina blush profusely, suddenly too shy to think of a witty response. She tried another sip, the temperature being just right now. She looked at the clock and saw that it was getting close to 3:00 A.M.

"Juls, as much as I adore talking to you, I really think you should try to get some sleep."

"Fine...I’ll sleep, under one condition."

"What is it?"

"I'm in bed right now, so you'll have to talk to me until I get sleepy. Come on, I did it for you once, you owe me this one." A warm feeling invaded her chest, and this time it was not due her tea. She remembered that night, when they were still somehow strangers and Juliana helped her sleep in a moment of big need. How could she deny her that?

“Okay, but I’m afraid I’ll bore you to death…”

“Impossible.”

“As always, you give me too much credit,” Valentina smiled as she thought of all the silly stories she kept to herself over the years, wanting to share it with Juliana but not knowing how to approach her first. She laughed to herself remembering a certain Christmas where Eva got a bit too drunk and decided to tell the entire family about her feelings for each of them. It ended up with two people crying and Eva herself sobbing and forcing everyone into a group hug that lasted way too long.

“Alright, I’ll begin with Christmas of 2020…” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you must be asking yourself why did it take months for you to write a chapter that its not even 4k marina well first of all lets make it clear that im a complete idiot second of all yeah thats it please enjoy

Valentina woke up in the morning to find the other side of her bed empty, relief washing over her at the realization that she would not have to start her day having another stupid argument with Lucho. She fumbled in bed trying to find her phone, eyes heavy with the lack of sleep from last night. As the memories from her phone conversation with Juliana came flooding back, she couldn’t help the dopey smile from forming. They definitely talked for too long considering Juliana’s trip schedule, but neither wanted to hang up after the conversation started to flow out. When they both finally noticed, the clock showed that it was nearly four in the morning, just a few hours before Juliana’s bus was supposed to depart.

She finally found her phone between the folders of her blanket, unlocking it and immediately beaming at the sight of a few new unread messages from Juliana.

Juls (6:22): _ thank you for staying up with me last night _

Juls (6:22): _ well actually today but you get it _

Juls (6:23): _I really appreciate it even though my body is clearly saying the opposite……. but don’t worry_ _I will get my zzz’s on the bus so i won’t look dead when you see me for the first time after so long 😊_

Something about the idea of Juliana wanting to look good for her made her stomach flutter, even though she knew it was nothing but light teasing.

She was just about to type her reply when the room door was opened tentatively, revealing a cup of steaming coffee followed by Lucho.

“Good, you’re up,” he said entering the room and sitting on the bed by her side, handing her the cup of coffee. “Fresh out of the pot… can we talk?” The hushed tone already divulging the theme of the conversation.

“Do we have to? I mean, now? I just woke up, Lucho…”

“I wanted to apologize for last night.”

“Alright, go on.” At this point in their relationship, Valentina was more than used to Lucho doing or saying something stupid and then coming back the next day with a peace offering and sweet words. She had to admit that it got old really fast, but that’s how they always worked.

“I behaved like a jerk, I know that,” he acknowledged it while running a hand through his hair.

“You did.”

“I’m trying… listen, I was tired. It was very late at night and I’ve also been feeling a bit… rejected lately. Can you really blame me for reacting bad sometimes?”

So, now that the blame was on her again. Valentina scoffed and grabbed her coffee, anything to distract her from the messy conversation.

“That’s not an apology, Lucho. If we’re getting married you need to respect my wishes and listen to me when I tell you I don’t want something.”

“If we’re getting married?” He furrowed his brows.

“I just mean… listen, you just need to do better. You’re not a teenager anymore.” She sighed, not really knowing where she wanted to go with this conversation right now. “I suppose I could do better as well. I know I’ve been too snappy lately and it’s not entirely your fault.” She refused to acknowledge the part about him feeling rejected, knowing she could not meet him halfway in _ that _ situation, at least not now.

“I know, and I’ll do my best to improve. I promise you,” he said, adjusting himself on the bed to be able to grab her free hand. “For starters, I had an idea this morning... let me make it up to you with this, okay? You’ve been on and on about how you want me to be nice and to behave around Juliana when she arrives, right? So, why not start by having a nice dinner with her? Just the three of us.”

Valentina choked on her coffee as soon as the idea was registered. Oh, no. She could not be alone with her fiancé and the actual person she was in love with. Nope. She had to find a way out of this, and _ fast. _

“Well, you see…”

“I just think I haven’t really given her a chance, you know?” He interrupted her with an excited smile. “I know how much she means to you and any friend of my future wife is _ my _ friend.”

In any other situation she would appreciate the effort he was putting on, if only he was not looking for mere friendship in a place of immense love. Years ago, she was able to put a barrier between her real feelings and her actions towards Juliana, she knew how to act as a friend and not to let anyone hear how hard her heart beat when she was around the other girl. Years ago, her feelings were denied and easy to hide.

Nowadays, however, she couldn’t go through a phone call without giggling like a schoolgirl with a crush. How on earth was she supposed to be alone with the two of them and not let her feelings seep right through her pores?

_ Think of an excuse, Valentina. Quickly. _

“I think that’s a _ great _ idea, but she will probably arrive super tired after such a long trip, you know? We don’t wanna impose anything…”

“Tired and _ hungry _, I bet! Nothing fancy, eh? Let’s just ask for Chivis to make something for the three of us.” His smile grew wider as Valentina failed to think of an excuse to get out of the situation. Sleep deprivation and being caught first thing in the morning was not working towards her favor.

“I… I don’t know, Lucho,” she stuttered, brain-scattered. “I mean, I guess we could.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, sure.”

_ Yes. _ That word would be the death of her one day.

* * *

The clock was mocking her. Valentina never experienced such a slow day, she could swear at one point the clock hands started going backwards. She had spent the entire day trying to find things to get herself busy at her house, not really wanting to go out at the danger of not being able to come back when Juliana arrived. She did her nails, tried watching TV, cleaned her own room at least two times, and pumped way too much coffee into her system. At last, she had the brilliant idea to call Eva to bring over some of the last wedding planning, mostly a few peaks of the table arrangements.

“I just don’t understand why can’t Juliana sit at the head table with me!”

“She’s not a bridesmaid, Vale! I asked you if you wanted her to be one ages ago and you said no!” The heated discussion had been going for the past 10 minutes, none of them wanting to let go.

“Well, I’m the bride and I want Juls to be near me,” she said in a final tone, knowing it would be no use against Eva’s stubbornness.

“Too bad, princess. All seating arrangements were finalized ages ago and _ now _ you want to be involved in it?”

“It is _ my _ wedding, Eva!” She got up from the living room table and started pacing around, frustrated at how she had no control over anything anymore.

“You say that now, after weeks of planning that you had no say in it whatsoever because you were too busy doing god knows what! What changed? Why are you acting so out of it just because Juliana is coming?”

She hated how perceptive Eva could be at times, only she would notice that her nervous state had nothing to do with wedding jitters or whatever other people assumed.

“Nothing! I don’t…. whatever. Can I least see who she is seated with?”

“Why does that even matter…” Eva whispered to herself, rolling her eyes and picking up the list from the table in front of her. “Well, she’s sitting with cousin Luisa, Mauricio-“

“Oh, hell no. We gotta change that.” Mauricio was one of Guille’s oldest friends and essentially grew up with them in the mansion, however he was known for being a big player and a charmer. Valentina knew the only reason he never went after her was because Guille would flip out, meaning her brother knew he wasn’t exactly boyfriend material.

“What’s wrong with Mauricio?”

“He’s a creep! He’s gonna be all over her and you know it,” she tried her best not to sound exasperated, but the idea of him drooling all over Juliana made her stomach hurl.

“So? What’s wrong with a handsome guy like Mauricio hitting on your friend?” Eva grew more frustrated by the second, but Valentina didn’t care. She was not going to throw her friend to the wolves.

“Juliana is not… easy… wedding meat!” The building anger and frustration were making her head hurt, especially because she could not divulge the real reason for her to be so upset. She knew that, realistically, she could not keep men from making any advances towards Juliana during the wedding. She also knew it would be pretty much impossible for it to not happen, considering how Juliana was the prettiest woman she had ever met. The least she could not is not facilitate the work for one of the creepiest dudes who would be attending it.

“Wedding meat?”

“Oh, you know how guys think they can get any single woman at a wedding, because of the whole… romantic vibe or whatever,” she said, feeling the fumes coming out of her ears. So, maybe bringing Eva over was not the ideal distraction that she needed.

“You’re being a child!”

“Just take him off the table, Eva!” She looked at her sister with a dead glare, trying her best to convey that this one was not negotiable.

“Fine!”

“Great!”

Well, at least some time had passed.

* * *

Valentina got a message from Juliana around 8 P.M., telling her that her bus had finally arrived in the city and that it shouldn’t take long for her to arrive at the bus station. With shaky fingers, she replied that Alirio should be on his way to fetch her and bring her to her house.

She was anxiously pacing back and forth in the living room after Chivis essentially kicked her out of the kitchen for being overinvested in the dinner preparations. Lucho had arrived an hour earlier and sat on the couch trying to get Valentina’s attention, with no success so far.

“How much traffic there could possibly be at this time?” She asked no one in particular. “I swear, this city-“

“Will you calm down, woman?” Lucho intervened, annoyed. “It’s been like 15 minutes since the driver left.”

“It’s been exactly…” She checked her phone to see the clock, “28 minutes! According to Google, the drive from here to the bus station takes around ten minutes. So, they are technically almost 10 minutes late.” She suddenly stopped in her tracks, wide-eyed. “What if something happened?”

“Val, will you…”

“Oh my god, what’s that sound? Is that gravel?!” She ran up to the window to check the entrance. “She’s here!”

This was it. Juliana was here and Valentina could no longer run away or hide from it. Juliana was just a few seconds away from her, and all she had to do was walk up to her door and open it.

“Val?” Lucho’s voice sounded muffled and distant even though he was right by her side. “Valentina?”

“Just… give me a second.” Breathing suddenly got hard and her limbs felt too heavy. She was being ridiculous, she knew that, but her body was having a completely different reaction than the logical part of her brain wanted her to have.

She felt Lucho pull her by the arm and say something inaudible. He dragged her to the entrance of the house and put his arm around her shoulder as they both watched a black SUV stop right in front of them.

Later, Valentina would remember this moment as if a movie scene was unfolding in slow motion right in front of her.

As she watched Juliana step out of the car, it was as if she was seeing her for the first time, all over again. Juliana’s jet-black hair was significantly longer than what she remembered but just as beautiful and shiny. Valentina had thought Juliana was merely joking about her new physique but even from a distance she could tell that her body was definitely way more toned and the lines of her face were sharper and more defined. She wore a simple blue striped shirt and a pair of washed out jeans, and yet Valentina could swear she had never seen anyone more beautiful than her.

Nothing in the world could’ve prepared her for the sight of Juliana’s bright smile as they locked eyes for the first time in three years. Valentina felt a lump in her throat, threatening to make her cry and look ridiculous in front of the other woman and her fiancé. She tried to open her mouth but no sound came out, all she could do was stare with her mouth agape.

“Hi,” Juliana said shyly as she dropped her carry-on bag onto the floor. She was clearly just as nervous but her focused gaze on Valentina didn’t falter for a second.

Suddenly the weight of Lucho’s arms around her became unbearable, and for a second she hated how she had to share part of this moment with someone else. She hated how she was unable to be there wholly for Juliana.

She snaked away from his embrace and, like so many times before in her dreams, she walked towards the other woman and threw her arms around her. “Juls,” she finally managed to whisper, fully immersing herself in that hug.

All she could feel was Juliana and all the weight she had been carrying around for so long suddenly did not matter. The warmth of a simple hug made her feel as if she was floating, like gravity itself stopped working to watch the two girls reunite. Juliana was all there was.

“Hi,” she said after slightly pulling away, focusing entirely on the other woman’s eyes. She found deep brown eyes staring back with the same intensity she was feeling and for a moment she could swear she would never breathe again.

“Hi, Val.” She saw Juliana slightly blush at how close both of them were, so Valentina stepped away. The last thing she wanted was to make the other girl uncomfortable in any sort of way.

“How was your trip?”

“It was fine,” Juliana replied with a shy smile. “Don’t worry, no one tried to take advantage of me.”

Valentina laughed along, releasing a breath she didn’t realize that had been holding for so long. She thanked the heavens Juliana always found a way to release the tension out of her.

“Alright, come along.” She hesitantly put her arms around Juliana’s arms, suddenly feeling a familiar warmth inside of her, and guided her inside. “Chivis made a delicious meal for all of us to enjoy, and then you are free to rest. I promise!”

“For us? Like, the three of us?” There was an awkward edge to her voice, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. Valentina understood it, though. Lucho had never been pleasant with her friend, always treating her like she was below both of them.

But this time Valentina would not allow Juliana to feel out of place, she would not allow Lucho to make her feel out of place. After all, Lucho himself promised he would behave in the name of their relationship.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered for only Juliana to hear. “I promise it will be quick and then we can get rid of Lucho and chat, just the two of us.” She did her best to give the other woman a reassured smile, but still could sense how tense Juliana was at the moment.

“Lucho, honey, please take Juliana’s belongings to her room, will you?”

“Me? Why can’t Alirio do it?” He asked exasperatedly. Not even five minutes had passed and Valentina already wanted to crawl into a hole over how much Juliana was seeing of her future relationship. Her skin crawled at the thought of Juliana thinking of her as nothing but pathetic for accepting to marry someone like Lucho.

“Because I’m asking_ you, _not Alirio. Go, Lucho. Now.” Her tone didn’t leave any room for discussion as she turned around and grabbed Juliana by the hand, leading her to the living room. She sat her down on the couch and did her best to maintain eye contact with the brunette, ignoring the giant butterflies raving in her stomach at the action.

“Hey, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that. I should’ve warned you beforehand about the dinner. I know you and Lucho are not… well, you know… the best of friends.”

“No, Val… it’s fine. I promise. I’m just a bit tired.” Valentina could sense that her friend was lying for her sake, as to not offend her future husband.

“Listen, if you want, I can ask Chivis to bring something to your room in a minute. We don’t have to make a big deal out of your arrival, okay?” _ Even though it was a big deal _, she mentally added.

“No, Val. Don’t worry about me. I want to spend time with you.” Valentina did her best to hide the immense warmth she felt from these words. Juliana had been around her for nothing but a few minutes and she already felt like her entire being was crumbling apart. She knew her feelings were always strong, but she could never imagine that after all those years she would still feel the same way, if not even more strongly than before. She finally understood what people meant when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. “I’m glad to hear that,” she managed to whisper in response.

“Besides, I suppose I will have to… learn how to be around Lucho if I’m planning on sticking around.” Juliana shifted in her seated, almost anxious. Valentina felt her heart beat faster at the sight in front of her. It was the little things that made her miss the other woman the most.

“It’s just for a week, I promise I will do my best to keep him out of your hair.”

“Well, actually… I wanted it to be a surprise but…” Valentina smiled at the girl in front of her being so nervous. She leaned forward and grabbed Juliana’s hands, as if to encourage her to keep talking. “Well… I’m moving back to the city, Val.”

It took a few seconds for her to properly register the meaning behind those words. Juliana was moving back? To be in the same city as her again? All the possibilities of that scenario flashed in front of her.

“W-what?” She stuttered, doing the best she could. “When? How? Why?”

“I told you I needed to come a few days earlier, right? So, long story short, I’m starting fashion school this semester. It’s been a long time coming, you and I both know that, but money was short and after everything that happened with my mother, I didn’t know if I could ever do this. But I saved some cash and I did my very best to create the best portfolio I could, so… they gave me a chance. They gave me a scholarship! I’m in the city now to finish the last few details, and then I’m ready to start my life. Properly, this time.”

Valentina stared at the girl in front of her and felt her brain short circuit. This was the best news she could possibly get and yet she felt panic arise as she recoiled into herself.

When she invited Juliana for the wedding, she had no long-term plans on how to deal with her arrival. She knew it would be tough and would unearth powerful emotions out of her, but she thought she would be able to handle it if it was only for a week. She would do this for a week, sucking up her real feelings the best she could and then she would get married and finally be able to move on from the entire thing. Juliana moving back meant that she would be a constant in her life yet again. Valentina wasn’t sure she would be able to deal with that.

“Val?” Juliana interrupted her thought process. “Is that… okay? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Valentina stared back at the girl and noticed worry in her eyes. She leaned forward and hugged Juliana without any hesitation, leaving all the worries she had for later.

“Juls! Of course it’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s fantastic. It’s… wow!”

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t mean to assume anything but…” She trailed off, suddenly fidgeting with her fingers, a clear sign of her nerves getting the best of her. Valentina felt terrible for first thinking about her own conflicted feelings and not what it meant for Juliana’s life, which was finally getting on the right track. That was what Valentina had always wanted for her friend.

“No, Juls! Don’t be silly, I was just… processing the whole thing. I’m more than happy about it, are you kidding me? You’re going to fashion school, that’s your dream! And not to be selfish but more importantly than that… I get to have you in my life again.” She spoke honestly, knowing that Juliana’s feelings were way more important than any caution she could have at the moment.

“It will be just like old times, right?” Juliana smiled again, turning Valentina’s stomach and mind into complete mush. She smiled back.

“Right. Just like old times.” _ Fuck. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah its a short chapter but honestly ive been having a lot of creative issues with the story and also have been busy with a few other projects for the fandom so......... instead of writing more of it and waiting another month to post it i decided to post what i have right now hehe 
> 
> hope everyone is taking care during this quarantine <3

Juliana woke up with the soft sound of her phone buzzing besides her. She struggled to reach the object as the sun between the curtains peeked through the room, slightly blurring her sleepy vision. She tiredly unlocked her phone and saw two messages from her mother — one asking about her trip and the other being a religious text as usual. She skimmed through it, not really paying attention to the actual content. Her sleepy state was suddenly disturbed by a small shuffle besides her. In the corner of her eye, she saw Valentina move in her sleep and she suddenly remembered where she was. She closed her eyes and tried her best to center herself back into reality. Bits and pieces of the previous day began to flood her mind.

She remembered small moments of the previous dinner that she had with Valentina and Lucho. She tried her best to piece together the random bits that came to mind. She recalls memories of Lucho being a brat and Valentina scolding him, and also of Juliana herself daring the other guy to continue being a little shit in her presence. A particular scene gained the spotlight in her mind.

_ “So, Juliana… it’s been a while, eh? How is life? Do you have a boyfriend?” The sound of Lucho’s annoying voice sent a shiver down her spine. She knows that no matter what tone of voice he uses, he would always have a secret agenda to discredit everyone who wasn’t him when they were around Valentina. _

_ Juliana swallowed hard, not knowing exactly how to talk about her love life. She could easily say that she had no boyfriend because she simply had no interest in men but something about the entire situation made her wary of announcing her sexuality to both of them. She could not pinpoint exactly the reason but the lump in her throat was an indication that the fear of being rejected by Valentina played a big part in her answer. _

_ “No, no boyfriend as of right now. Just… going through life, I suppose,” she said shrugging, hating how much she was not being able to be true to herself. Juliana had accepted her own sexuality a long time ago but something about being in front of Valentina and, unfortunately, Lucho, made her recoil into her previous fearful self. It’s not that she was ashamed of herself. She was just absolutely terrified of being treated differently by her friend. She could handle stupid comments and weird behaviors from anyone, except from Valentina. That would break her, for sure. Deep down, she knew the other girl wouldn’t treat her any differently and would support her. Nevertheless, her fear of rejection was stronger than any logic. _

_ So, she lied. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie, she convinced herself later. It was an omission, and no one could blame her for it, really. _

_ “Ha! So, it’s back to sharing my girlfriend wi-” he stopped mid-sentence, sending a crooked smirk at her direction, “Sorry, my FIANCÉ, with you again, huh?” _

_ Juliana swallowed hard the implications of his tone, trying her best to maintain her composure and not lose her cool on the first day already. She glanced quickly at Valentina, who looked like she was about to stab Lucho with her fork. _

_ “Just like old times, right? I’m sure you won’t mind, will you, honey?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. It was clear that she was trying to be as civil as possible, trying to show a better side of her relationship to Juliana. _

_ “Sure! I can handle sharing a few days knowing I will have you for the rest of my life.” _

_ Juliana knew she was being provoked. However, as much as she wanted to consider herself to be above this childish back and forth, the petty side of her could no longer be quiet because of how much she knew her mere presence was a bother to the man. _

_ “More than a few days this time, Lucho!” She did her best to put on a fake, sweet smile. “I don’t know if Valentina mentioned anything but I’m back for good this time! I guess we gotta share her for a while longer,” she chuckled lightly, feeling satisfied seeing the smirk on his face falter. After all, two could play this game. _

_ “What do you mean?” He asked dryly. Juliana tried her best not to react to the incredibly unpleasant facial expressions Lucho was trying to hide. She looked at Valentina, thinking this information would be better delivered by her. _

_ “Juliana just told me that she is actually moving back to the city! Isn’t that great, Lucho? She is finally going to study fashion design, like I always told you she would. Isn’t that amazing?” Juliana tried her best not to be bothered by how much Valentina tried to seek his approval, rationalizing to herself that this is normal behavior for couples, especially if they were about to get married. Remembering the wedding made her stomach shift uneasily.  _

_ “Really, now?” His voice sounded strained, not bothering at all to disguise his discomfort. _

_ “Yes! It’s been a long time coming, actually… but this time I’m here to stay. So, better get used to sharing Valentina, I guess?” She knew she was shamelessly provoking him, but seeing all the shades of red on his face was definitely worth it. _

Juliana quietly giggled to herself, remembering the scenes from the previous dinner. Valentina’s sudden shuffle in bed made her scold herself for the noise. She stared at the other girl who is still peacefully sleeping. A few strands of hair fell on Valentina’s face and Juliana struggled to not to fix them. She just stared at the other girl, allowing herself a few selfish minutes to just admire the beauty in front of her. After a few moments of overthinking and watching Valentina sleep, she decided that fixing the other woman’s hair wouldn’t be a big deal. Friends can do that for each other. Anyone would do that, right? She needed to stop overthinking every one of her moves — some things were just natural between friends, no matter how much her heart pounded inside her chest just at the thought of it. She slowly moved her hand to adjust the hair on Valentina’s face, feeling herself tremble at the sensation of the other woman’s smooth skin beneath her fingertips. 

Juliana adjusted herself in bed to sit up and gather her own thoughts. She was once again getting lost in ideas that would do nothing but hurt her in the long run. She had to remind herself that her endgame of this trip was to finally get over Valentina, not to fall even more for her. So, how on earth did she find herself feeling this much already on only the second day?

She stared at the sleeping girl once more, trying her absolute best not to lean down and kiss her temple — an action that would be a step too far from friendship. Juliana wanted to slap herself over how much she was still feeling. She clearly was unable to think rationally and even worse, act accordingly. Her plans to get over Valentina were falling exceptionally short.

She thought back to how she ended up in this current situation, sleeping on the same bed as Valentina and pining for her all over again. After dinner, Valentina insisted on spending some quality time with Juliana and  _ Juliana only _ . Lucho tried to put up a certain fight, claiming that he also wanted to spend time with Valentina but she wasn’t having any of it. She hasn’t spent one-on-one time with Juliana. It had been years and she deserved to have that alone time with Juliana. Juliana can’t help but smile to herself after remembering how pissed off Lucho acted after that. It was clear that after all this time, he was still not used to hearing “no” from Valentina. Juliana tried her best not to pride herself on feeling like she was always the exception to that particular rule but who could blame her for beaming at that feeling? It’s not like she thrives seeing other people miserable, it’s just that she thrives at seeing Lucho not getting what he wants. Honestly, he deserves it.

After the marvelous dinner that Chivis had prepared for them, Juliana decided to go to her room and finally take a shower to wash off the day.

Afterwards when she was drying her hair, Valentina knocked shyly on her door and asked if Juliana wanted to chat for a bit before going to bed.

The quick chat ended up being a conversation that went on for hours. They catched up on their lives and just talked mindlessly about anything that came to their minds. Just like old times. They snuggled in bed together and acted as if there was nothing in the world that could ever disturb their peaceful bubble. Before either of them noticed, they were both drifting off to sleep in the same bed, not even bothering to change into proper sleepwear.

That’s how Juliana found herself waking up in the morning — peacefully listening to Valentina’s light snores. After battling her own feelings for so long, Juliana got up to freshen up for the day. Before she made her way to the bathroom, she pulled the covers to warm up the other girl.

As soon as she walked to the bathroom, she heard a low mumble coming from the bed. Juliana stopped in her tracks as she thought she might’ve heard her name.

“Juls…” Valentina lowly said in her seemingly deep sleep. Was she awake? Juliana looked back at the bed and saw Valentina still with her eyes closed.

“Val…? Are you awake?”

“Juliana,” she once again said, this time a bit louder.

“Val?” Juliana tried again, stepping closer to the bed. She was about to shake the other girl awake when she heard it — a low moan coming from the other woman. That definitely made Juliana freeze in her spot. Was she imagining things? Was Valentina still sleeping?

“Yes, Juls… please…” The desperate and breathy tone of Valentina’s voice left very little room to doubt at this point. Juliana felt her face get incredibly hot. She took a step back and suddenly felt like she was intruding in a very private moment, even though it was her own name being called out.  _ No, it can’t be. _

A series of low moans woke Juliana from her stupor and made her run to the bathroom, locking the door behind herself. Her back firmly placed against the door as she tried to gather herself, her chest heaving up and down. Was Valentina having… a sex dream about her? No, that couldn’t possibly be happening. Valentina was getting  _ married _ to Lucho. Why on earth would she be having a sex dream about  _ Juliana _ ?

She forced herself to the bathroom sink and splashed some cold water on her face. Surely, she was still dreaming or being incredibly delusional to the point of imagining things.

After taking some deep breaths, she tried to rationalize things. Having sex dreams about other people didn’t always mean they were sexually attracted to you, right? She sure had her share of weird sexual dreams about odd people in her life. But also, she most certainly had even more sex dreams about the other woman sleeping on her bed at the moment. Although, she does have feelings for Valentina so ultimately, that would be expected.

But that didn’t mean Valentina felt the same for her. For all she knew, Valentina could be having one of those weird moments in life where you dream of fucking the mailman for no reason.  _ Right _ ?

Every possible thought ran through Juliana’s mind as she felt herself hyperventilating. Maybe it wasn’t even a sex dream. Perhaps it was just some deep wishful thinking on her part. Was she really  _ moaning _ ? It could’ve been for a thousand other reasons. Yet, here she was, locked in the other woman’s bathroom, thinking the worst of her. Some of her own self-hatred pertaining to her sexuality and the guilt from seeing her best friend as a lover started to flood her thoughts. Juliana felt dirty and gross for even entertaining such ideas.

As her thoughts started to spiral out of her control, she heard a soft knock on the bathroom. She jumped out of her bones at the sudden noise.

“Juls?” A sleepy, muffled voice came from behind the door. “I’m going to take a shower, okay? Meet you downstairs for breakfast?”

_ Fuck, calm down, Juliana. _

“Yeah, see you in a minute”, she managed to croak out, feeling as if she was about to implode.

How on earth was she supposed to face the other girl after all of this? 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter hehe @acidbeso  
also big big giant huge thanks to my beta readers for putting up with my nonsense and crap english i love u morons @fabraybeso and @rapturebus


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